Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If that was your dad, he is hot
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
