look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
