If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
