All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
