His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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