i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
