Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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