I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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