there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
