I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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