my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
