so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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