I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
