I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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