Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
