Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
