Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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