So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
