Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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