____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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