Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Semen is not good for contacts.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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