Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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