im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I can't turn off my feet"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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