vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
birth control should be required to get into college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
