So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
