Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
