So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
