my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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