Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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