i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
