I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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