so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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