those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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