So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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