Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
