HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
