You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
