When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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