you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think a kid would responsible me up
NoShamevember. You game?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
