Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
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i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His nipple licking is glorious
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