Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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