She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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