Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
