He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
