Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
