I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
