So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
