you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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