margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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