Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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