If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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