Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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