On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
