Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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