i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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