Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
