part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We need a shit load of segways right now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
